Sunday, January 8, 2012

my word.

so at the beginning of last year i was listening to this radio station that was encouraging everyone to choose a "word of the year". i wasn't sold on the idea, not being a new years resolution kind of girl, but God had other plans. he kept placing the word "content" on my heart, therefore i chose that word and wow. he used it in so many ways throughout the year to teach me. pretty much i still have a ton to learn, but its been amazing to focus on one word for an entire year and see what God does with it. i went from thinking it only meant,  definition a) a state of satisfaction, to realizing God wanted me to be content in who he made me and where he put me for this very moment in time. which on the completely other end of the spectrum i realized he wants me never to be content and stay still.. he wants me always searching after him, listening to him, moving when he says move, and staying when he says stay.. ok, i could talk about that word for days. ask me about it sometime.. love it!
so the new word. i promise this all relates back to the purpose of this blog. my word for this year that God led me to is "discipline". i actually thought about this being my word last year, before i realized God already had mine picked out. so.. if you wanna know a little about me, you must know i have no true discipline in my life. i'm not one of those people that do things daily because i say i will. i never lasted very long at any sport (softball one year), any sort of music lessons (piano as a kid, guitar in college..1 semester), i made it through college by many midnight cram sessions, i would never go to the gym on my own without knowing someone is waiting on me.. and hardest but true, i have always had a very hard time having daily time with God in his word. so, this word is one i need. one to focus on, one to learn about, one to place into action. this last week, God brought this verse to my mind
"Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."  
-Matthew 16:24
growing up in church, i've probably heard this verse over 100 times in my life yet this time was different. i realized, as i was running on the treadmill listening to my heart pound like never before, i don't deny myself. i suppose i can blame it on america and having everything we would ever need at our fingertips, but holy cow.. it hit me in the face and i take full responsibility. how in the world can i be a disciple of Christ if i don't deny myself of anything? if i'm hungry, i go to the kitchen and get exactly what i want. if i'm cold, i put on socks. if i need something, i go to the store and get it. if i'm tired, i sleep. ha! seriously. i realize that when i became a parent i thought i lost all of the "what i want" when really i still have everything. i may not be able to go shopping like i use to, or visit with friends over coffee.. but really.. when do i deny myself? so as i was at the gym at 4:45 friday morning i realized.. i am somewhat denying the sleep i use to get for the cause of these orphans in haiti but thats only the beginning. what else can i deny myself of? i asked God that question.. and he is showing me. it turns out i am alot more selfish than i thought i was. :) thankful when God pushes, he does it with a sense of humor and i love that about him. 
thank you again for reading and encouraging me throughout this journey. praying God brings a word to your mind for this year ahead. a word he wants to be yours.

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